|[||im feeling a little
|[||the soundtrack of my life is currently playing
|||||all the bikini.com cd||]|
these are the days we're livin
these are the moments
these are the times
lets make the best time of our liiiiiivvvvveeeeesssss....
thats my ode to manish and all that is canadian
so friday after finally dragging our asses out of bed manish and i go collect marissa and we head off to the frozen north. we needed just one last road trip before we never see manish ever ever again. getting to canada wasnt really much of a problem, surprisingly that part went off without us getting too lost.
so we get to the hostel and when marissa and i get into our room what is the first thing i see? our roomates piece! nothing like walking in on a middle age man and his scantily clad penis. i recovered and we got dressed and cabbed it to my favorite toronto gay bar crews/tango. of course marissa looks like a nine year old so we have to wait outside as they examine her strange alaska drivers license. manish is feeling kinda pukey after eating too much pizza so marissa and i drink enough for all of us. after crews/tango closes we part ways and manish goes back to the hostel to try to sleep while his roomates bang in the top bunk, and marissa and i head to the stables with our new friends that we met on the street. new friend number one and two ( i cant remember their names) were a couple who had been together for five years and were about to have twins. new friend number three and i decided we are going to get married because we absolutely love one another. after running around for twenty minutes trying to find an atm that will take marissa's card we get into the steamy dance section of stables only to be surrounded by half naked men. and of course the only straight one makes a beeline for marissa, which was eerily similar to the time in montreal where we were in a gay club and erica attracted the only straight man in the entire gay village. but after five minutes we were out of stables and back in the hostel to do it all again on saturday.
we wake up late and still hung over and in this state of mind we decide to get maple leaves tattooed on our asses and get full body massages. after thinking it over and realizing that we didnt have much time in the day before our 9pm reservation at Zeldas, we opted only for the tattoo.
we are all starving so we end up at this chic vegan restaurant called fressen. im still wet from how good the food was. we have pictures, they will be coming soon. i am also still wet from the hot waitress that gave us our check. after we filled our bellies we went to the tattoo place recommended to us by one of the friendly hostel employees. we thought about and decided that a maple leaf on our asses was probably not a good idea so we went for a negative stamp of a maple leaf on our left legs above the ankle. manish, who has a low threshold for pain and could never commit to a tattoo design, wanted to run out of the tattoo place so we made him go first. hes still wet from the tattoo artist, who he wanted to bang for some odd reason. so the little americans all got canadian maple leafs to commemorate our canadian adventure.
we had dinner at Zeldas, which is the gayest restaurant in toronto. Zelda, who unfortunately was not in the restaurant that night, is a trailer trash dolly parton-esque drag queen. lucky for us though we came on the night that they were having a best ass contest, and we got a table right near the stage. not so lucky for us we got to see all the teeny weeny penises of the guys who were entered in the best ass contest. i saw lots and lots of penis on this trip but not one vagina. damn
after dinner we head back to crews/tango to get drunk off our asses. keep in mind manish is already drunk off of the two drinks we had at Zeldas, so we were able to get him out on the dance floor. we all agree that the bartender chick is hot and that we want to do her. manish takes it one step too far and goes to talk to her. this is the point in the night where i decide that she is mine and both manish and marissa need to step the fuck off. my "girlfriend" aka Catherine the hot bartender chick indulges manish's drunken question and starts passing us some free drinks. in my head that would be the point where i jump over the bar and bang her but unfortunately that didnt happen. we meet this cute boy named Adrian who does some shots with us and introduces us to his cute boyfriend. they become our new best friends and want us to come to Stables with them. we dont quite make it because there was some other drama going on (some of what happens in canada stays in canada). the bar closes and we hang outside smoking and talking to random people on the street. im drunkenly yelling at marissa and some random gay boy tells me that i am rude. i proceed to follow him and right this wrong. we fall in love and meet his other friends and then this conversation happens.
"show me your booty shake" random gay boy
"show me your booty shake, i know you can do it. i want to see you do a booty shake" rgb
i tell him no and he pouts but we are still cool regardless. we start walking to stables but we detour and go to the golden griddle. i get the eggs benedict because ive decided thats my after-a-night-of-long-drinking-in-toronto comfort food. i get up to go to the bathroom and thats when the weirdest portion of the night began.
i pee and exit the stall to see two scantily clad women entering the bathroom. one of them asks marissa and i if she can use a cell phone. marissa says she will go gets hers and i wait around with this women because she is starting to tell me her sob story about how some guy in a club stole her cell and she needs to call it to find out where he is. she has to go pee so she asks me to come into the stall with her so that she can continue telling me the story.
no joke this women tells me to come into the stall with her. so i go because its the friendly thing to do, and after she pees i leave to go find marissa with no intentions of getting her phone. the scantily clad woman however is willing to pay us so i take the cell back to the woman in the bathroom. she calls her mother and then she calls the guy who is unwilling to give back the cell even though the woman offers to pay him to come to the golden griddle and drop it off. she calls her mother again. all the while she is on the phone she is leaning closer and closer into me, until the point where she is leaning on me. i am freaking out because i am not sure why this woman is so close.after she is done with the phone she gives me more money and pulls me into a tight hug. we both exit and go to our own tables.
i fully expected her to take off her clothes and thank me in that biblical sort of way. she didnt, eventhough im pretty sure she is a sex worker. whatever. the strange party though is that her and her friend were with two guys and they definitely both had cell phones. strange.
i dont remember getting back to the hostel but we did somehow.
we have to check out at 11am, so we drag ourselves out of there and hit the road. we need to go the Tim Hortons, because its a fucking canadian tradition and you can leave canada without getting some tim hortons. the food sucked. so we get on the road to leave with no directions for getting back. of course we get lost and finally look for directions once we get to Alfred, NY, only to find out later thats where bowen and elle are. weird. we stop in a little gas station and meet some woman who is talking to manish like she knows him. we find out that we are really not that off track and we get back on the road. it only took us like 11 hours to get back.
and that my friends is the recap of our whirlwind tour of toronto